AN IRISH MAMMY'S LETTER TO HER SON
Dear Son,
Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this
letter slowly because I know you can't read fast.
We are all doing very well.
You won't recognise the house when you get home - we have moved. Your
dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles
from your home, so we moved 30 miles away.
I won't be able to send you the address because the last Irish family
that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they
wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not
sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in, pulled the
chain and haven't seen it since.
Your father's got a really good job now. He's got 500 men under him -
he's cutting the grass at the cemetery.
Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found out if
it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an auntie or an
uncle.
Your brother Tom is still in the army. He's only been there a short
while and they've already made him a court martial!
Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in the
Dublin Brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he
fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to
put out the fire.
I'm sorry to say that your cousin Seamus was arrested while riding
his bicycle last week. They are charging him with dope peddling.
I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The
doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten
minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice this week, first for
three days and then for four days. Monday was so windy one of the
chickens laid the same egg four times.
We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last payment on
your grandmother's plot wasn't paid in seven days, up she comes.
About that coat you wanted me to send you: your Uncle Stanley said it
would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut
them off and put them in one of the pockets.
John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried
because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was
driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other
two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get
the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
Your loving Mum.
P.S. I was going to send you some money but I had already sealed the envelope.
by 
Subject: Irish mamma's letter to her son 
