Motor-Homers
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.


Motorhomes, Campervans, Van Conversions and Caravans All Welcome
 
HomeHome  SearchforsitesSearchforsites  EventsEvents  RegisterRegister  Log inLog in  
Thank you for visiting Motor-Homers.co.uk - Sponsored By Outsmart The Thief Ltd - A motorhome club owned by its members, Please register to join us for a chat - IT'S FREE TO JOIN ~~~~~
Latest topics
» Adverts
Winter fuel payments Emptyby Quicksam Wed 12 Aug 2020 - 22:39

» Coronavirus
Winter fuel payments Emptyby Polly Mon 10 Aug 2020 - 11:39

» SCAM
Winter fuel payments Emptyby Polly Thu 6 Aug 2020 - 13:28

» SAT NAV
Winter fuel payments Emptyby Polly Thu 6 Aug 2020 - 13:22

» Happy 70th birthday Polly
Winter fuel payments Emptyby Polly Thu 6 Aug 2020 - 13:18

» Bridlington dates 2021
Winter fuel payments Emptyby jimbohorlicks Mon 3 Aug 2020 - 20:41

» Outwell Ripple Motor 380SA M
Winter fuel payments Emptyby whistlinggypsy Sun 5 Jul 2020 - 16:23

» Stolen Motorhome Database App
Winter fuel payments Emptyby KSH Wed 1 Jul 2020 - 23:19

» RENEWING MY DRIVING LICENCE AT 70
Winter fuel payments Emptyby Polly Tue 16 Jun 2020 - 18:06

» 2020 Trip
Winter fuel payments Emptyby Polly Mon 15 Jun 2020 - 11:59

» Names put on list for meets
Winter fuel payments Emptyby Traytone Sat 13 Jun 2020 - 23:34

» New member
Winter fuel payments Emptyby Polly Sat 13 Jun 2020 - 16:25

» This time last year 2019
Winter fuel payments Emptyby Polly Sun 7 Jun 2020 - 19:33

» great few days
Winter fuel payments Emptyby tessajoe Fri 22 May 2020 - 9:28

» Happy Saint Georges Day
Winter fuel payments Emptyby Polly Fri 1 May 2020 - 20:21

» 2020 Meets
Winter fuel payments Emptyby KSH Fri 20 Mar 2020 - 18:44

» Thule Spare Parts
Winter fuel payments Emptyby Perfect Awnings Fri 6 Mar 2020 - 9:43

» Introduction
Winter fuel payments Emptyby Quicksam Sat 29 Feb 2020 - 15:39

» Missing person
Winter fuel payments Emptyby KSH Thu 27 Feb 2020 - 15:33

» Happy birthday
Winter fuel payments Emptyby Chocy boy Wed 29 Jan 2020 - 13:18

» 2020
Winter fuel payments Emptyby Polly Sun 26 Jan 2020 - 20:02


 

 Winter fuel payments

Go down 
AuthorMessage
Quicksam

Winter fuel payments 100010
Quicksam

Posts : 1537
Join date : 2012-11-15
Age : 72
Location : NW Leicestershire

Winter fuel payments Empty
PostSubject: Winter fuel payments   Winter fuel payments EmptyThu 21 Nov 2013 - 15:56

About this time of the year, older taxpayers will again be receiving another 'Winter Fuel’ payment. This is indeed a very exciting programme, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
 
Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel’ payment ?
A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers

 

Q. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers

 

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it

 

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity...or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy

 

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up

 

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending your 'Winter Fuel’ cheque wisely:

 

* If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to Gibraltar,Ireland & Luxemburg
*If you spend it on Amazon  your money will go Lichtenstein

 

*If you spend it on ebay  your money will go Ireland

 

* If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs

 

* If you purchase a computer it will go to India , Taiwan or China

 

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Kenya, Spain, or Morocco

 

* If you spend it in your corner “Asian mini-mart” no tax will be paid, it will be used in drug deals and eventually will be conveyed to Pakistan in a large suitcase.

 

* If you spend it on “cheap” cigs it will end up in Rumania or Bulgaria

 

* If you give it to Oxfam 20% only will go abroad and 80% will remain in the hands of the administrators, who will spend it on fact finding missions to Cayman Islands, Thailand & Mauritius.

 

* If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea

 

* If you buy a  luxury car it will go to India or Germany

 

* If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore

 

Instead, keep the money in the UK by:

 

1. Spending it at car boot sales
2. Going to night clubs
3. Spending it on call girls
4. Buying cider, beer or scotch
5. Getting yourself a Tattoo
6. Visiting a bookie
(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )

 

Conclusion:

 

Go to a night club with a tattooed call girl that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night ! It’s the patriotic thing to do.

 


No need to thank me....just glad I could be of help
Back to top Go down
Polly

Winter fuel payments 500010
Polly

Posts : 5265
Join date : 2012-11-15
Age : 70
Location : Stockport Cheshire

Winter fuel payments Empty
PostSubject: Re: Winter fuel payments   Winter fuel payments EmptyThu 21 Nov 2013 - 16:52

Hia

I do seriously believe this money should be paid after Christmas maybe February.
So that some older folk don't use it to go buying Christmas presents.
And this way they will be able to put there fires and heating on during the colder period and have no worries about paying for the fuel they use

Rant over
Back to top Go down
Polly

Winter fuel payments 500010
Polly

Posts : 5265
Join date : 2012-11-15
Age : 70
Location : Stockport Cheshire

Winter fuel payments Empty
PostSubject: Re: Winter fuel payments   Winter fuel payments EmptyThu 21 Nov 2013 - 16:52

Hia

When I become Prime Minister this is the first thing I will change
Back to top Go down
whistlinggypsy

Winter fuel payments 400010
whistlinggypsy

Posts : 4765
Join date : 2012-11-13
Age : 76
Location : Southport

Winter fuel payments Empty
PostSubject: Re: Winter fuel payments   Winter fuel payments EmptyThu 21 Nov 2013 - 16:58

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] wrote:
Hia

When I become Prime Minister this is the first thing I will change
I will vote for you Polly cheers
Back to top Go down
laneside

Winter fuel payments 25010
laneside

Posts : 484
Join date : 2013-07-05
Age : 75
Location : At present wherever we park the motorhome

Winter fuel payments Empty
PostSubject: Re: Winter fuel payments   Winter fuel payments EmptyThu 21 Nov 2013 - 17:53

I hope it comes quickly we have had to put a tweak of heat on for the last two nights at Zahora
Back to top Go down
whistlinggypsy

Winter fuel payments 400010
whistlinggypsy

Posts : 4765
Join date : 2012-11-13
Age : 76
Location : Southport

Winter fuel payments Empty
PostSubject: Re: Winter fuel payments   Winter fuel payments EmptyThu 21 Nov 2013 - 19:56

Aaarrggghh feel so sorry you have a wee chilly spell down in Zahora Winter fuel payments 372028940  but I bet its still a damn sight warmer than here. sunny
Back to top Go down
Polly

Winter fuel payments 500010
Polly

Posts : 5265
Join date : 2012-11-15
Age : 70
Location : Stockport Cheshire

Winter fuel payments Empty
PostSubject: Re: Winter fuel payments   Winter fuel payments EmptyThu 21 Nov 2013 - 20:06

Hia

Lost my post again

But never mind what I said was I would increase it to £250 for people who escape England   for warmer climates
Back to top Go down
whistlinggypsy

Winter fuel payments 400010
whistlinggypsy

Posts : 4765
Join date : 2012-11-13
Age : 76
Location : Southport

Winter fuel payments Empty
PostSubject: Re: Winter fuel payments   Winter fuel payments EmptyThu 21 Nov 2013 - 20:46

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] wrote:
Hia

I do seriously believe this money should be paid after Christmas maybe February.
So that some older folk don't use it to go buying Christmas presents.
And this way they will be able to put their fires and heating on during the colder period and have no worries about paying for the fuel they use

Rant over
Quote :
Lost my post again

But never mind what I said was I would increase it to £250 for people who escape England   for warmer climates
Polly where did you say this. scratch
Back to top Go down
Polly

Winter fuel payments 500010
Polly

Posts : 5265
Join date : 2012-11-15
Age : 70
Location : Stockport Cheshire

Winter fuel payments Empty
PostSubject: Re: Winter fuel payments   Winter fuel payments EmptyFri 22 Nov 2013 - 9:53

Hia

On here but lost it 
Think it is when I press the send button or don't press it affraid
Back to top Go down
laneside

Winter fuel payments 25010
laneside

Posts : 484
Join date : 2013-07-05
Age : 75
Location : At present wherever we park the motorhome

Winter fuel payments Empty
PostSubject: Re: Winter fuel payments   Winter fuel payments EmptyFri 22 Nov 2013 - 16:58

Hey aren't our politicians wonderful, just checked our bank a/c and they must have realised it has gone chilly down here and they have stuck me £100 in there.  Please do not tell them that the forecast says back to 20 odd degrees on Sunday or they may ask for it back
Back to top Go down
Polly

Winter fuel payments 500010
Polly

Posts : 5265
Join date : 2012-11-15
Age : 70
Location : Stockport Cheshire

Winter fuel payments Empty
PostSubject: Re: Winter fuel payments   Winter fuel payments EmptyFri 22 Nov 2013 - 17:13

Hia

Mines not gone in so must be dishing it out to the escapees first. Possible feeling sorry for you Winter fuel payments 372028940
Back to top Go down
dogman

Winter fuel payments 25010
dogman

Posts : 461
Join date : 2013-12-20
Location : South Wales

Winter fuel payments Empty
PostSubject: Re: Winter fuel payments   Winter fuel payments EmptyMon 23 Dec 2013 - 19:26

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] wrote:
Hia

When I become Prime Minister this is the first thing I will change
Best spent on cocker fodder.
Back to top Go down
The author of this message was banned from the forum - See the message
dogman

Winter fuel payments 25010
dogman

Posts : 461
Join date : 2013-12-20
Location : South Wales

Winter fuel payments Empty
PostSubject: Re: Winter fuel payments   Winter fuel payments EmptyMon 23 Dec 2013 - 20:28

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] wrote:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] wrote:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] wrote:
Hia

When I become Prime Minister this is the first thing I will change
Best spent on cocker fodder.

Sorry but what is cocker fodder?
Food for Polly's cocker dog.
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




Winter fuel payments Empty
PostSubject: Re: Winter fuel payments   Winter fuel payments Empty

Back to top Go down
 
Winter fuel payments
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Motor-Homers :: Community :: Jokes-
Jump to: